From The Original Hollywood Squares TV Show, these questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions. Q: Do female frogs croak? A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q: True or false, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A: George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.... Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married? A: Rose Marie: No, I would wait until morning. Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"? A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q: What are "Do It," "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"? A: George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the apartment next door. (Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!) Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking? A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget! Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year? A: Charley Weaver! : Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries! Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score? A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other? A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures. Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm ALWAYS safe in the bedroom. Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A: Marty Allen: Only after the lights are out. Q: When you pat a dog on it's head, he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do? A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark. Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A: Charley Weaver: No, it got me out of the army! Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting, "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean? A: George Gobel: Cattle crossing. Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body; what is it? A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected! Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 180 pounds? A: Charley Weaver: A divorcee. Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it's sex? A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him. Q: James Stewart did it over 20 years ago, when he was 41 years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it? A: Marty Allen! : Rhonda Fleming. Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A: Charley Weaver: His feet. posted by beverly 7:23 AM~_~ Comments. . .
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality. POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you. PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right. posted by beverly 9:01 PM~_~ Comments. . .
The doctor told me "Physical exercise is good for you." So, I have worked out this easy daily program I can do anywhere: Monday: Beat around the bush. Jump to conclusions. Climb the walls. Wade through paperwork. Tuesday: Drag my heels. Push my luck. Make mountains out of mole hills. Wednesday: Bend over backwards. Jump on the band wagon. Balance the books. Run around in circles. Thursday: Toot my own horn. Climb the ladder of success. Pull out the stops. Add fuel to the fire. Friday: Open a can of worms. Put my foot in my mouth. Start the ball rolling. Go over the edge. Saturday: Pick up the pieces. Whew! What a workout! You are invited to use my program without charge!! posted by beverly 12:29 PM~_~ Comments. . .
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