Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,

B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, and bullshit will put you over the top.

But, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

posted by beverly 4:19 PM~_~

. . .

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be
home before midnight. -- Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

posted by beverly 9:15 AM~_~

. . .

Momma and Pappa Bear decided to call it quits. In trying to decide who would get custody of little Baby Bear, the judge asked "Do you want to live with Momma Bear?"
Baby Bear replied "No, Momma Bear beats me."
"Do you want to live with Pappa Bear?"
"No, Pappa Bear beats me too."
"Well, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?"
After thinking a bit Baby Bear smiled and said "The Chicago Bears---They never beat anyone!"

*note to Chicago fans... it's only a joke ^_^*

posted by beverly 10:38 AM~_~

. . .

Surprise Present

For Michael's birthday, his wife wanted to surprise him when he came home from work. After some careful consideration she decided to strip naked and wrap herself
in Saran Wrap from her shoulders to her ankles.

Shortly after she had finished wrapping herself up, her husband enters the house exhausted from a tough day at work. He walks through the kitchen, places his lunch box down, and hears his wife say, "Honey! I'm in the living room."

Rounding the corner, he spots her all wrapped up in plastic. After a quick peek, he immediately says, "Leftovers again!"

posted by beverly 11:36 AM~_~

. . .

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