Handling jealousy and petty envy within the club
---should we switch clubs?
My skater is 12 and aspires to get to the Olympics one day. She has her Novice Competitive test. She has been talent identified (CFSA-Phase 1 and 2). There are no real skaters to look up to in our Club and the politics and petty envy within the Club are very evident. My child has been made to feel guilty when she has achieved (the other kids feel bad). Some coaches within the club seem intent that competitive skaters getting recognition makes recreational or test skaters feel lesser. Can you help on how to deal with this mentality, or is it time to send my skater to some other centre where she will be with "like" skaters in the pursuit of excellence. It was my thought that Clubs should encourage their skaters to excel, but this one does not seem to caring more about not wanting the others to "feel bad". By the way I am on the Board, but that is where the politics are even more evident. For a few months my skater felt that if she did not skate so well, maybe the others would not feel bad. Thank God her own priorities and goals made her realize that she had to skate for herself and not others. Your feedback is wanted and welcomed. I find it very frustrating that the jealousy, politics and Club ethics do not promote excellence and achievement. Any advice on how to handle this as I do not relish sending my child away. Her coach is excellent, but the Club environment stinks. Ajons
Marie says:
First of all, congratulations to your daughter! She should be proud of her achievements. Secondly, I think you should seriously look at other options outside of your Club. Politics and attitudes are very hard to change. You are not doing your daughter any favors by saddling her with the type of psychological pressures you describe. She has a tough road ahead of her and deserves all the support she can get. The other skaters (and club members) should be grateful they have someone to look up to and inspire them. If your daughter was acting "stuck-up" about her successes, it may be another story, but it sounds like she has a very good (humble) attitude and doesn't deserve to be dragged down like this.
Moving to a Club with other advanced skaters may also be good inspiration for her and would provide friends at her level that she can practice with. The one thing to be careful about is if she is the low "man" on the totem pole (i.e., she is both new and at a lower level than most of the other skaters), she may not get adequate attention from the coaching staff. Have you spoken to her current coach about your problem? Is there a possibility she would be willing to teach her somewhere else? Good luck!
Linda says:
The club politics, envy, and pettiness are not unique to CFSA nor to skating. If the enviroment that your daughter is practicing in is not a positive one, it may be time for a change. If you and/or your daughter are unhappy, it is definitely time to change. As a general rule in many sports, it is better for an athlete to train with 'like' athletes. In your case this would be skaters who also have been talent identified and are pursuing a possiblity of Olympics.
The other side is that skaters who are recreational also need a place to skate where they do not feel overwhelmed. I do agree that a club should be supportive and positive of every skater. Although it may be itimidating for them to skate with a higher level skater, it should not be used as an excuse to belittle anyone's accomplishments. This may be a situation where the primary purpose of the club is not what your daughter needs. If that is the case, your decision is whether your daughter can still train in that environment or is a new club needed.
Tracy says:
I could have posted this question! My daughter has been going through the same problems for 2 years and I'm sure it will start up again when skating starts in September!
You have mentioned that your daughter has been talent identified. How did your club "handle" that? Does your club support your daughter in any way (funding, extra ice, recognition)? Your club should remember that when Suzy Skater goes to competitions or is mentioned as being Talent ID'd in your Region/Section that the club's name is always right there beside the skater's name. This is an advertisement for your club. This is how your club builds their enrollment. Other children may want to skate "just like" your daughter and take up figure skating.
The club and the coaches should remind all the skaters (competitive and test) that everyone has different goals and different things they want to achieve with their skating. No one goal is better than another goal. Some skaters want to become Gold Medallists is each discipline. Some want to have fun and just learn how to skate. Some skaters want to go to "fun" competitions. And yes, some want to seriously compete and go to the Olympics one day!
It is too bad that your daughter has no one to look up to at your club. It is difficult to be the "best" skater and have no one to push yourself against. Is going to another nearby club an option for her? You could do this once or twice a week. That way you daughter wouldn't have to give up her coach and you may find a better training environment! As for sending your daughter away..is this something that you would be willing to let her do? It is an awfully big sacrifice and you must be realistic as only a few skaters ever make that upper level.
I think the CFSA should make a policy on this type of harassment from fellow skaters. That way the Executive of your club would be able to look up the rule in the red rule book and quote from it and it would apply the same to all skaters. Good luck!
Amanda'sMom says:
I would consider switching clubs. If possible, as a trial basis, enroll your daughter for sessions once/twice a week at another club. Or, you may want to enroll your daughter for sessions during the summer at another club. Most coaches teach out of more than one club so if you're unsure as to which club to switch to, ask your daughter's coach to recommend another club, preferably one that she coaches out of. Good luck!