Almost live from the Reverse a Word key klub

Almost Live from the Key Klub

A radio talk show transcribed directly from the Klub

Hosted by "your friend and mine"

Al "Bronco" LaGuardia

The Frandamady Show*

Al "Bronco" LaGuardia is known to millions of viewers and listeners as host of the popular radio and television program All that Buzz. In this, his first broadcast of Almost Live from the Key Klub, Bronco's guest is the renowned whale poet, Frandamady. For the comfort of the guest, the world's largest bathtub was installed in the Key Klub. What follows is a transcription of that historic first broadcast on September 26, 1998. You will find the three-part Harrison Show interview and the Tyra Show interview further down on the page.

Bronco: Welcome to the show, Mr. Frandamady. Are you comfortable in that bathtub?

Frand: Yes, very comfortable. May I have another daiquiri?

Bronco: Certainly. Janet, a daiquiri for Mr. Frandamady, please. May I call you Frand?

Frand: Yes.

Bronco: I've been enjoying your poetry for a long time, Frand, and I must say that I thought banawalr was your best yet.

Frand: Thank you. I knocked it off in five minutes while I was waiting for a cargo ship to pass.

Bronco: Remarkable.

Frand: Yes. Right whales sometimes swim right into cargo ships, but we humpbacks wait for them to pass, or sometimes we swim around them if we're in a hurry.

Bronco: Tell me, Frand, being a whale, do you find it difficult to write poetry?

Frand: I had trouble holding a pencil at first, but now my secretary, MadForKrill, takes care of most of that.

Bronco: MadForKrill is your secretary? I didn't know that.

Frand: She's my friend, my secretary, and my strong right fin.

Bronco: And quite a poet in her own right. Her poetry has appeared with yours on the Reverse-A-Word Whale Poetry Page, you know.

Frand: Yes, I know. Let me say now to your audience that whale poets the world over are extremely grateful for the outlet Reverse-A-Word is providing for our work.

Bronco: It is our pleasure. I'd like to get to an analysis of banawalr if we may.

Frand: Of course.

Bronco:

banawalr laatsafan,

ycantgassaf ynatwan.

yak yak

Frand: Yes.

Bronco: Believe it or not, Frand, some readers don't understand the poem.

Frand: Is that so? I thought it was clear enough.

Bronco: Starting with the title, some readers feel that banawalr makes reference to whales' understandable fear of the whaling industry. They read it as 'ban a whaler' or 'ban the whalers.'

Frand: No. The whaling industry hasn't been a threat to us in years. Let me explain. Notice that the only vowel in the poem is 'a'. When I was first learning English, years ago, 'a' was the first vowel I learned. I had learned all the consonants, but 'a' was the only vowel I knew. I thought it might be interesting, when I wrote banawalr, to regress purposely to an earlier time and to write the poem as I would have written it when I was first learning your language.

Bronco: so banawalr is...

Frand: 'Being a whale are,' or, 'being a whale is.' Using 'are' instead of 'is' is another throwback to my student days.

Bronco: And 'laatsafan,' of course, is...

Frand: Yes, "lots of fun."

Bronco: So the poem, translated, would read

Being a whale is...

Being a whale is lots of fun.

You can't guess if you're not one.

Yoicks! Yoicks!

Frand: Exactly.

Bronco: Masterful, Frand, my friend. Now I wonder if you would tell us a little about your relationship with MadForKrill.

Frand: All right.

Bronco: MadForKrill and you have been friends for a long time....

Frand: For a long time. We would be more than friends except for one circumstance.

Bronco: And that is?

Frand: My dear friend is a married woman whale.

Bronco: I had no idea.

Frand: MadForKrill is the wife of Moby Dick.

Bronco: What? Are you serious?

Frand: They were married in a civil ceremony years ago. Mady was a young and impressionable whale-child, and her head was turned by the attentions of the fabled and famous Moby Dick. Despite the objections of her parents, who felt that Moby Dick was too erratic and too old for her, she married him. He deserted her just months ofter the marriage. There is a child of the brief union, Moby Harry, a fine young man-whale. MadForKrill remains true to Moby Dick even though she knows in her heart he will never return to her.

Bronco: That is a fantastic tale! But surely Moby Dick is only a character of fiction, and even if he were real he would be more than 150 years old! Certainly no whale lives that long!

Frand: Does it occur to you that Herman Melville's story of a white whale might have been based on truth? Moby Dick lived, and is alive to this day! White whales are known to have extraordinarily long lives. And, as we all know, Moby Dick is no ordinary whale. He is said to have mysterious powers. Why shouldn't long life be one of those powers? Yes, as I know too well, he was and still is alive.

Bronco: So you and MadForKrill wait...but wait for what?

Frand: We wait for Moby Dick to release her from her vows. Or, if it is so fated, we wait for another Ahab, a new Captain Ahab who will send the white whale to the bottom of the sea, never to return.

Bronco: Frandamady, my friend, our time is up. Thank you for sharing your powerful and tragic story with us. Is there anything I can do for you?

Frand: Perhaps another daiquiri?

Bronco: Of course. Janet!

* The Frandamady Show won the November-December,1998 Humor and Life, in Particular Web site contest, in the Short Humor category.

The Harrison Show - Part 1

Bronco's guest tonight for the second broadcast in the wildly popular Almost Live from the Key Klub series is actor/playwright and educator Corbett Harrison. What follows is a transcription of the November 4, 1998 show. Mr. Harrison is not seated in a bathtub.

Bronco: Welcome to the show, Corbett. I'm glad you could make it.

Corb: My pleasure.

Bronco: You've been an actor, a free-lance writer, a playwright, an ecologist, a poet, and most-recently a computer nerd.

Corb: Yes, all of those and a few more. Most importantly, I am a teacher.

Bronco: Of course. You are Reed High School's Mr. Harrison! Let's come back to that in a minute. Tell us about your play, The GameShow Man.

Corb: It's about a man who tries to live the perfect existence on a series of game shows.

Bronco: Ahhh! This isn't your first play, is it?

Corb: No, it's about my tenth one, I'd guess.

Bronco: Did you originally write The GameShow Man for a local theater group in Nevada?

Corb: Uh-uh. It was performed as the Reed High School faculty play. We spent the first five weeks of this school year putting it together. It could be called a success, I think.

Bronco: You are far too modest, Corbett. I happen to know that The GameShow Man, was a record-breaking hit! A huge success!

Corb: I suppose you could say that. We did make over $6000. That is a record! All that money goes back to the kids in the form of scholarships.

Bronco: Splendid! I've heard you had some offers to take the play to Broadway.

Corb: Look hard, and you won't find too many high schools whose faculties do that much for their kids. What did you say?

Bronco: When?

Corb: Just now. You said something about Broadway.

Bronco: Oh, yes. When will you be taking The GameShow Man to Broadway? I've heard that you've had several very attractive offers.

Corb: That is the silliest thing I ever heard! Where did you hear such a thing?

Bronco: I have my sources.

Corb: Your sources are wrong.

Bronco: No attractive Broadway offers?

Corb: None.

Bronco: You won't be taking the play to New York?

Corb: Absolutely not!

Bronco: Hmmmm. I see. Excuse me a minute. Janet! Bring me a beer! Would you like something, Mr. Harrison?

Corb: A Dr. Pepper, please.

Bronco: A Dr. Pepper for Mr. Harrison, Janet! Well, where were we?

Corb: I don't remember.

Bronco: Look, Corb, our time this evening is just about up. Could you possibly come back tomorrow to go on with this?

Corb: Well, I don't know....

Bronco: We'll pay for the hotel. You owe it to your public to come back, Corb, and I owe it to my listeners.

Corb: All right. I suppose so. Where's my soda?

Bronco: Coming right up. Janet! Until tomorrow then?

Corb: Tomorrow.

[To be continued]

The Harrison Show - Part 2

This is Part Two of the broadcast in which Corbett Harrison is Al "Bronco" LaGuardia's guest on Almost Live from the Key Klub. Corbett, beaten severely and daily by his gluttonous uncle, Herbie, whose ward he is, leaves the castle and sets out on the road to London, only to be bitten by a rabid porcupine. He is nursed back to health by the kindly and voluptuous Gail, a barmaid with a heart as great as all Sussex, and a Sussex as great as her heart. Corbett decides to remain in the establishment, The Potted Earl, for awhile and makes himself useful by sweeping the floors and thrashing unruly goatherds

Oh, sorry. We pulled up the wrong file on our word processor. Here is Part Two of the interview. What follows is a transcription of the November 5, 1998 show.

Bronco: Hello again, Corbett. How are you?

Corb: All right.

Bronco: I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding yesterday. Let's let bygones be bygones, okay?

Corb:

Bronco: I see. Say, tell us about Reed High School. That must be a subject that's dear to your heart.

Corb: Yes it is. Reed is in Sparks, Nevada, five miles from downtown Reno.

Bronco: Is that so? Did you ever run into a crooked dealer in Reno?

Corb: No. Our school is the largest High School in Washoe County, and, as you probably know, Washoe is the second most-populated county in Nevada.

Bronco: Yes, I knew that. Are you sure you never ran into a crooked dealer in Reno?

Corb: Yes, I'm sure. Now here's a statistic I just read, so I can't vouch for its accuracy....

Bronco: Understood. You're quoting an unverified statistic here.

Corb: Yes. They say that one out of five students in Washoe County attends our high school.

Bronco: One out of five? Well, Corbett, that seems awfully high. I would check that if I were you. Where do the other four go?

Corb: To Sparks and...

Bronco: Well, never mind, Corbett. We're talking about Reed here.

Corb: My wife and I both teach at Reed, and we wouldn't teach anywhere else. The students are great. The school has a large, dedicated faculty, and, if I may say so, a fine WWW site.

Bronco: I've seen the Reed website. It is fine. You have some connection to the site, don't you.

Corb: I'm the Media Librarian at Reed and a part-time English teacher. In my Master's Degree program I've been finding ways to integrate computers into all the different curriculums at our school. It's a slow process, as Nevada is always ten years behind everyone else technologically.

Bronco: Whoa! Hold on, Corbett. Are you sure you want to say that on national radio? We can bleep it.

Corb: I guess I've already said it.

Bronco: All right. Listen, folks. I happen to love Nevada, and so does Corbett. He's just a little impatient about getting the school on the computer fast track.

Corb: Ten years behind everybody else technologically!

Bronco: You made your point, Corb. Drop it. Okay?

Corb: Ten years!

Bronco: Corbett! Would you believe it? We're out of time again, and we haven't talked about your job with C-SPAN yet! I know it's asking a lot, but can you come back tomorrow?

Corb: Sure. Why not? I'm starting to like it here.

Bronco: Good! Have you seen Janet?

Corb: I think I saw her a little while ago. She was thrashing a goatherd.

[To Be Continued]

The Harrison Show - Part 3

Corbett Harrison, playwright, educator, and man of mystery, now rested and refreshed after the rigors of Master's Comps, here completes his interview series with Al "Bronco" LaGuardia. We transcribed the interview directly from The Key Klub on January 15, 1999.

Bronco: Hello, Corbett. Good to see you again.

Corbett: Good to see you again too, Bronco.

Bronco: What have you been up to?

Corbett: I've finished my Master's Comps. They were a chore, but they're done.

Bronco: Did you pass?

Corbett: I haven't heard from my academic advisor, but I'm a strong believer that NO news is GOOD news. Forever the optimist.

Bronco: I'm sure you did fine. For our final interview I wonder if you would tell us something about your experience as a member of C-SPAN. How did they recruit you?

Corbett: They didn't exactly recruit me.

Bronco: How did they get you on their side? Just tell us in your own words, Corbett.

Corbett: I don't know what you mean by, "getting me on their side."

Bronco: They had something on you, right? Some sexual peccadillo, some ghost in the family closet, something like that, right?

Corbett: Are you insane?

Bronco: Come off it, Corbett. I know all about C-SPAN and their secret agenda. You might as well come clean. Get it off your chest. Do you good.

Corbett: You ARE insane!

Bronco: All right, all right. Play it your way. How did you happen to go to work for them?

Corbett: C-SPAN is an organization that was formed by, and is financed by, the cable television industry. C-SPAN, with its televised coverage of Congress and the American political process, performs a needed and valuable public service.

Bronco: And what about their secret agenda?

Corbett: WHAT secret agenda?

Bronco: I was hoping you would tell US, but I see you're not ready to talk.

Corbett: I should have stayed in Sparks.

Bronco: How DID they recruit you? Er, make that, how did you happen to go to work for them?

Corbett: I'm leaving. I've never been so insulted in my life.

Bronco: If you leave now the world will know you're guilty.

Corbett: Guilty of WHAT? Each summer, C-SPAN brings a couple of teachers to D.C. for a month to work for them; they look for teachers who've creatively used their programs as educational supplements.

My newspaper kids and I did a study of modern media, using C-SPAN as a source of information and ideas. We published Point/Counter Point - type articles in our school papers, so the entire school could see what we'd been learning.

C-SPAN liked my project, and they brought me to D.C., a city I'd never before visited. I worked 9-5, then had the rest of my time to do what I wanted. I saw everything not just once, but sometimes three times. It was an educator's dream.

They spoiled me rotten, gave me an extravagant place to live, and treated me like a pseudo-celebrity.

Bronco: Aha!

Corbett: Shut up, Bronco.

Bronco: What did you do for them?

Corbett: I wrote pages for their web site, The pages appear online from time to time. It was really cool to work for a group of people who wanted to hear what ideas a lowly teacher had, a group that was actually interested in my point-of-view, It was a great, great experience.

I came back home after a month and spent the next six days moving our entire household from Carson City to Sparks, which is thirty miles away.

Do you still think I worked for a bunch of oddballs who had some kind of secret agenda?

Bronco: No. No, Corbett, I don't. Please allow me to apologise. It was Jarvin Pepsicord's uncle Thorgrud who told me about the secret agenda. Thorgrud has a severe drinking problem.

Jarvin Pepsicord: I wish you would stop making remarks about my uncle Thorgrud.

Bronco: Oh, sorry, Jarvin. I didn't see you standing there. Corbett, it has been a pleasure having a person of your caliber on the program. I hope that we will see you here again.

Corbett: We'll see.

Janet: Don't pay any attention to Bronco, Corbett. Since he lost his big television show he'll do anything to try to get back to the top.

Corbett: It was nice meeting YOU, Janet.

Janet: Likewise. Goodbye, Corbett.

Corbett: Goodbye.

Jarvin: Goodbye, Corbett.

Bronco: Goodbye, Corbett.

Corbett: Goodbye.

The Tyra Show

In this interview, transcribed from The Key Klub on 6/6/00, Bronco's guest is Tyra, Reverse a Word's top player. Before the broadcast Tyra expressed some concern about being in the spotlight. Bronco reassured her, explaining that hardly anyone ever listens to his programs anyhow. Here, without further ado, is Tyra.

Bronco: Hello, Tyra. Good to have you here - all the way from Louisiana.

Tyra: Hi, Bronco. I'm glad to be here.

Bronco: How do you like the big city?

Tyra: It's fine, as big cities go. As you know, Bronco, I'm a small-town girl.

Bronco: Yes, I know. Tell us about your life on the Louisiana bayou. Have you always lived in Cajun country?

Tyra: Just about. I lived in Venice, Florida for about three years just before and right after my husband and I got married. I didn't much care for Venice, as a permanent home, that is.

Bronco: Why is that?

Tyra: I decided that the "snowbirds" who flocked there for six to nine months of the year were a huge pain. And besides, I was too far from my family.

Bronco: Hmmm. Yes. Well, some of my good friends winter in Florida, but I can understand how a country girl might feel - I think.

Tyra: Family is a big thing in Louisiana, Bronco. Everybody is related to everybody. You know how it goes: "He's my mother's sister's brother's daughter's husband." And being in a small town compounds it. Your neighbors know what you are doing before you do it, and it doesn't take long to make the rounds of all the relatives.

Bronco: Where is that small town?

Tyra: Outside of Lafayette, about fifty miles southeast of Lafayette. We now live around the corner from my parents, in the town where I grew up. That's just far enough that they aren't looking over our shoulders all the time, but close enough to walk the kids over when we need a sitter or just want to talk to mom.

Bronco: How many kids?

Tyra: Two boys, three and five. My husband and I have been married seven years.

Bronco: Are you Cajun, Tyra?

Tyra: Oh yes, I'm Cajun. My grandmother and grandfather both speak French, but unfortunately I don't. I can pick up a few words here and there, but not enough to follow the whole conversation. Of course some words are in everybody's vocabulary down there: Chere, that means beloved, or precious, or expensive, and it's pronounced "sha". Fresons, that's "goosebumps", and so on.

Bronco: What's it like - living in an Acadian French milieu?

Tyra: Cajuns are a very friendly group of people. It's not uncommon to see someone working on something in their yard or house, and pretty soon half the neighborhood is over there helping - whether they are relatives or not! Of course that could be because we just want to know what's going on all the time.

Bronco: How about Cajun cooking? Can you give us any secrets?

Tyra: We center a lot of our activities around eating. You can't get food anywhere else that's as good as you get around there. Even if the restaurant claims it cooks Cajun, don't believe it unless the cook is a native of south Louisiana.

Bronco: You've got my mouth watering. What cooking secrets can you tell our listeners?

Tyra: First you make a roux.

Bronco: And then...

Tyra: That's about it. The rest is pretty much up to the individual cook.

Bronco: I see. Well, so much for cooking secrets.

Tyra: A lot of people assume New Orleans food is Cajun, but it is not. New Orleans cuisine is Creole, which had more influence from the West Indies.

Bronco: Tyra, you're a top-notch word-gamer. How do you account for that? What would you tell any of our listeners who wanted to improve their skills?

Tyra: I would tell them to read, read, read. You expand your vocabulary greatly reading. Even if you don't know exactly what that new word means, you get the general meaning from the context it's used in. And I also get to visit different cultures and countries I'll never make it to in real life.

Bronco: Maybe you will.

Tyra: Well, maybe I will.

Bronco: I can see that you love reading. What kinds of books do you read?

Tyra: Just about anything. I'll read anything I can get my hands on if there's nothing else to do - and sometimes when there is a lot of other stuff that I should be doing. Some people don't realize how much you can pick up about a wide range of subjects by reading even fiction. Even though I graduated with a B.S. in Finance, I learned more about how the stock market really works from "A Debt of Honor" than any lecture I attended.

Bronco: Is that so? I'll have to read that. Were you a great reader even as a child?

Tyra: Yes. The school librarian bet me that I couldn't read Gone with the Wind over a weekend when I was in the tenth or eleventh grade. I started reading Friday afternoon when I got home from school and finished it late Saturday night. After she quizzed me to make sure I really read it, I won that bet.

Bronco: Remarkable! That's a long book! What are some of your favorite things to read now?

Tyra: I like scifi/fantasy and mystery. My favorite author is Anne McCaffery, with Mercedes Lackey a close second.

Bronco: Scifi/fantasy and mystery...popular genres in this day and age. Any hobbies?

Tyra: I like to garden, vegetables and flowers. I've planted so much in the yard, it takes me most of the day to water everything.

Bronco: I'm an outdoor container gardener myself; I know about watering plants. Tyra, I could go on talking to you for hours, but our time is up. I think the listeners must feel that they know you better now. Thanks for being here.

Tyra: It's been a pleasure.

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