Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
You can fondle cucumbers in a super market,
and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
A cucumber won’t ask “Am I the first?”
Cucumber don’t care if you’re a virgin.
Cucumber won’t tell anyone you’re not a virgin anymore.
With cucumbers you don’t have to be a virgin morethan once.
Cucumbers don’t have sex hang-ups.
A cucumber won’t compare you to a centerfold.
You can have as many cucumbers you can handle.
You only eat cucumbers when you feel like it -
and you don’t have to swallow.
Cucumbers never need a round of applause.
Cucumbers won’t ask “Am I the first?”,
“How was it?”, “Did you come?”, “How many times?”
Cucumbers won’t mind hiding in the refrigerator
when your Mother comes to visit.
Cucumbers will never make a scene because there
are other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
No matter how old you are,
you can always get another cucumber.
A cucumber can stay up all night, and you
won’t have to sleep on the wet spot.
A cucumber never flushes the toilet
when you’re in the shower.
A cucumber won’t have you wonder for a month.
Cucumber won’t tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for him.
Cucumbers don’t tell you they like you better with long hair.
A cucumber will never leave you for another woman,
another man or another cucumber.
You always know where your cucumber has been.
Cucumbers don’t have mid-life crisis.
Cucumbers don’t play with guitars and try to find themselves.
A cucumber won’t tell you he is outgrown you intellectually.
A cucumber never expects you to have little cucumbers.
It’s easy to defrost a cucumber.
No matter how you slice it,
you can have your cake and eat it too.
