But the article did imply that an interstellar magnetic field that is not pitched the same as the plane of the Milky Way probably causes the solar system to be squished on one side like a lopsided water balloon.

Speaking of asymmetrical, we have a similar problem with our shoes left by the backdoor. While Beth and my shoes tend to be placed in some semblance of order, Kevin and Christopher’s shoes look as if they landed there as part of a beanbag tossing game. Why can’t kids simply place shoes down next to each other following the well established pattern of the other shoes (mine) already there? This is why kids aren’t allowed to park cars.

When I read about our bent solar system I thought: Well, you know, that might explain a lot.

Life here on earth is a little bent, skewed, off, odd, or whatever you want to call it. Could we blame it on the solar system being bent? Maybe there’s a cosmic connection. Why not? One hallmark of the human race is its propensity to blame stuff on unrelated events, i.e. astrology, immigrants, etc.

We also blame things even when we know it’s our fault. For instance, we Americans are fat, so fast food advertisement must be the reason, not our inability to push a plate of food aside.

Or a woman burns herself on hot coffee she purchased at a drive thru window and blames it on the fact that she wasn’t properly warned of the dangers; not that she is incapable of operating a car and a Styrofoam cup at the same time.

Or take baseball’s steroid scandal and the Mitchell Report. The report named names, one of the biggest being Roger Clemens. And while the report might be based on one-sided testimony and unsubstantiated claims, let’s face it, it’s probably true. So does the pitcher come clean and take responsibility? No! His first action was to have his lawyer complain about how unfair the report is and how there is no actual proof he used steroids.

But fairness and being unable to prove without a doubt that Clemens, or any other athlete, did steroids or human growth hormone does not mean they never took the drugs. Maybe in an unbent solar system, everyone caught cheating would simply admit their mistakes and move on. Then if someone’s lawyer did step forward to claim that his client was innocent, as crazy as this sounds we might actually believe it.

This reminds me of something that occurred in college. It was the early 1980s and I was writing health and science stories for the campus newspaper. I was talking with a researcher who was going to be testing a new drug on humans that was designed to improve blood flow – and therefore oxygen flow – in the body. He envisioned it helping an athlete’s performance.

I don’t remember any of the specifics, so I have no idea what type of drug this might have been: a steroid, a hormone, something else entirely. He suggested I participate in the study, which would take place the following semester and last several weeks, then write an article about my experience.

I thought this was a great idea. I imagined how awesome the article was going to be and couldn’t wait to do it.

When I got around to mentioning the idea to my mom, however, if she could have reached through the phone and grabbed the back of my shirt collar and shook it, she would have. She explained that I had no idea how safe this drug was, or what the long term effects might be. She went on about how I shouldn’t take chances like that with my health. Needless to say, I thought about it and never did participate in the study.

My mom was always over protective, but in this case she was also right. No one knew what damage taking an experimental drug like that might cause. I think about her advice every time I read another steroid scandal story. Perhaps if we lived in an unbent solar system, then more people, athletes in particular, would listen to their moms.

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