But now Major League Baseball is getting ready to initiate something perhaps even worse. This is from an organization that last changed a rule in baseball only after consulting with Abner Doubleday personally. It is a change that many baseball purists probably won’t like: They are adding instant replay reviews.

The implementation of instant replay to review close plays threatens one of baseball’s most cherished and longstanding traditions: the bad call by an umpire.

The bad call is as much a beloved part of the game as pine tar, spitting, and the ever popular man hug. Get rid of that and you might just as well get rid of what makes this game so human, endearing, and yes, even romantic. I’m still talking about the man hug.

In the same way, getting rid of bad calls would change the game too. For one thing, it would leave the baseball fan who’s watching at home little reason to jump off his sofa and start screaming obscenities at the umpire on his TV screen.

I should pause a moment while we are on the subject and clear up a common misconception. When baseball viewers watching the game on television think they are yelling at an umpire on their TV screen, what they are really yelling at is a high-definition image of the umpire made up of tiny magic particles floating inside their TV set called pixels. Despite the intensity of the fan’s rant, it is not the actual umpire he or she is addressing.

The more magic pixel dust per square inch a TV set has, the more real the umpire appears, adding to the confusion. Generally, the fan’s rant involves explaining to the pixeled ump which part of his pixeled anatomy (usually his head) he should remove from his pixeled rear end.

Despite scientific research proving otherwise, most sports fans are quite certain yelling at their television set does help. Maybe not necessarily on that play, but we feel we are sending a message so that the next close call goes our way. If it didn’t help, why would we continue to yell at our TV during sporting events year after year? We’re not that nuts, are we?

For instance, just as many Red Sox fans have done from time to time over the years, I too yelled at pixeled Manny on my television screen to run out ground balls or to not stand and watch long fly balls as they fell just short of being home runs thus turning a double into a single. And all that yelling never once produced the results I wanted, at least not until the end of July when I started yelling to “go ahead and trade him if that’s what he really wants.” Amazingly, that worked.

But before there is any rioting in the streets over the implementation of instant replay in baseball, let’s examine what type of plays will be under review:

From what I’ve read the new instant replay review will be limited to what are called boundary plays. Basically, plays that may or may not be home runs or foul balls and generally occur in an area of the field far away from where the umpires stand, meaning one of them would have to run a real long way really fast to get close enough in time to make a correct call.

So after some negotiations with MLB, the umpires are now on board with the plan to add instant replay reviews. (“You mean we get to watch the play on TV, then make the call? Awesome!”) And for now fans still get to yell at the pixeled umps over close plays at the bases and, as always, on balls and strike calls. Truly, a win-win situation for all involved.

By the way, via a séance, Abner Doubleday was consulted and he gave instant replay the thumbs up sign. Unless that was the out call he was making.

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