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Column published the week of October 29, 2007 www.theleeonline.com © 2007, Lee Ostaszewski

Common Sense, R.I.P.

By Lee Ostaszewski If there was any doubt before, it is now official: common sense has died. It happened the other week in New Jersey. Somehow I always thought when common sense died it would die in California. New Jersey was a surprise. I am not talking about individual common sense. Death came to institutional common sense, the kind used by government agencies, such as school districts. Individuals still show signs of common sense at least a quarter of the time, such as when we know enough to unplug the toaster before jabbing a knife into the bread slot to retrieve the English muffin that during the toasting process decided to wrestle with the heating coils. And we demonstrate common sense when we refuse to get sucked into the vortex of the latest reality TV show; whether it is “Kid Nation” or “Battle of the Bands.” (Yes, I realize “Battle of the Bands” isn’t the correct name. It’s just that offhand I can’t recall what it actually is despite having seen at least three gazillion ads for the show during the baseball playoffs. The one piece of information I did pick up about the show, and only because they keep telling us in their Excited Announcer Voice, is that it’s “from the producers of ‘American Idol.’” Is it me or isn’t that similar to Graco advertising a child’s car seat by pointing out it was “designed by Britney Spears”?) But common sense tells us to steer clear of these reality shows because 16 weeks from now when they end we are left unsatisfied and feeling a little sick, like we just downed a bag of candy corn after skipping dinner. But institutional common sense is finally, completely dead. It had been ill for a long time, went on life support, eventually hospice was brought in. Now the end has officially come and the M.E. has signed the death certificate. It’s over. Common sense received its final blow recently when a seven-year-old boy from Dennis Township, N.J., was given a one-day suspension from school for drawing a picture of stick people in which one of the stick people is packing heat. Specifically, he drew a stick person

pointing a gun at another stick person. I presume it was a stick gun. The boy claims it was a stick water gun. In any case, it must have seemed threatening to someone. Actually, when I read the story my first thought was, “Who would be threatened by a seven-year-old’s drawing of a stick person with a gun?” Heck, I spent several pre-teen years drawing pictures of the Starship Enterprise circling planets and blowing up pretty much everything imaginable. This wasn’t a puny gun we’re talking about, either. We didn’t call it this back then, but my starship stick figure depicted the use of Stick Figure WMDs. At the time I thought I was just a kid doodling, when in fact I was one dangerously sick puppy. Well, to answer who felt threatened, it was the parents of another child who was shown the drawing. By the way, this incident occurred on the school bus, which I’m not denying can be a tough place. It might be where as a child William Golding came up with the idea for his novel “Lord of the Flies.” The parents took the picture to school officials who, upon seeing the drawing of an armed stick person, wisely invoked the modern day American cop out: the zero-tolerance policy. Far too many elected, appointed, or career government officials hide under this Giant Blankie of Zero-Tough Choices. Does it even matter what it is they are being zero tolerant about? It seems the important factor from a decision maker’s point-of-view is that with a ZTP firmly in place they don’t have to actually make any decisions. Messy circumstances and troublesome gray areas are wiped clean away. Reasoning and common sense, disappear. Embarrassing foot odor, eliminated. Oh wait, that last one was for Dr. Scholl’s foot powder. According to the article, the Dennis Township school district has a zero-tolerance policy on guns, which would make some sense if we were actually talking about a gun. Or even a fake gun. But we are talking about a drawing of a stick figure person holding a stick figure gun drawn by a seven-year-old. I wonder how many others after first hearing about this story thought, “R.I.P. common sense, we hardly knew you.” ■