Refrigerator Copy
Column published the week of July 20,
2009 www.theleeonline.com © 2009, Lee Ostaszewski
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The Men in the Moon |
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By Lee
Ostaszewski Can
you believe it? Forty years have
passed since man first stepped foot on the moon. It seems like only 32, maybe 33. Do you remember where you were? That’s what everyone is asking these days. But
if I were Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin or Michael Collins, the crew of Apollo
11, I think I would be sick of hearing people ask each other that. At some point I would have to interrupt and
say, “Let me guess: you were someplace with an atmosphere, am I right? And gravity, too. And with some protection against deadly
cosmic gamma rays. Meanwhile, I was
hundreds of thousands of miles from earth, eating meals out of a squeeze
tube, relieving myself in a bag, and breathing stale space capsule air. It smelled like a college dorm room up
there.” I
just wonder if people today appreciate what was accomplished back then. When most of us won’t drive two towns away
now without first programming our GPS navigation system, four decades ago
Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins journeyed to the moon with nothing more than a
compass, a team of strong horses, and an Indian guide named Sacagawea. Wait,
I’m thinking of the Lewis and Clark Expedition. Not that the astronauts had much more to
rely on. While the Apollo spacecraft
might have been the epitome of technological advancement in 1969, so was my
parents’ new 24-inch Motorola Quasar color console television set with
Mediterranean detailed fake wood cabinetry. Also,
a microwave oven made today probably has greater computing power than any of
the Apollo spacecrafts did. Basically,
the astronauts traveled to the moon and back in what amounted to a tricked
out AMC Rambler operated by an Atari-like video game system. To
me that makes the whole endeavor that much more impressive. I remember being a kid during the Apollo
missions and whenever astronauts were on the lunar surface I would go outside
at night, stare up at moon, and be completely unable to imagine that people
were actually walking around up there at that exact moment. As
hard as I tried, I just couldn’t do it.
I kept thinking, |
they
would have to be so, so tiny to fit. Just
kidding. I know the moon is nearly
real size up close. But looking at the
moon, it was a hard concept to grasp.
Sort of how I felt this past fall with Sarah Palin’s nomination: She’s
the vice presidential candidate?
Really? John McCain picked
her? And he had choices? Are we being Punk’d? In
fact, a few people even doubt that the moon missions occurred. They say they were faked on a back lot of I
can put the whole conspiracy theory to rest by pointing out one very important
fact: We are talking about a federal government agency here. Our nation’s vast, sprawling bureaucracy
does not possess the talent necessary to fake something of this magnitude and
keep it secret for four decades. Yes,
our government has the talent to send men to the moon. It has the talent to do many amazing
things, usually at three to four times the original cost estimate. But actually doing something is much easier
than pretending to do something and fabricating a whole web of lies around it. As
difficult and as daunting a technological feat landing on the moon was, it
was the simpler way to go. Besides,
if they had tried to fake it, the whole thing would have ended poorly. Picture Neil Armstrong descending the
ladder, saying his famous, “One small step for man, one giant leap for
mankind,” line when just as the entire world was glued to their Motorola TV
sets, a lighting guy appeared in the shot, leaning against the lunar module,
eating a sprinkle donut and holding a roll of duct tape. Next thing you know, Armstrong has gone all
Christian Bale on the guy and - long story short - today we are speaking
Russian and buying our vodka with rubles. As for future moon missions,
I just hope it isn’t another 40 years.
But when they do go back, I’ll be watching from here. ■ |