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Column published the week of June 30, 2008 www.theleeonline.com © 2008, Lee Ostaszewski

Carlin Was a Standup Guy

By Lee Ostaszewski When I heard the news that comedian George Carlin died, the first thought that came to mind was, “Well, that really sucks.” A word, by the way, that is not one of the seven dirty words that can never be said on television, according to the comedy bit that Carlin made famous in the 1970s. For those who don’t remember, here are the seven banned words: @&#*, >#@@, %~<$, <~^*, <)<$@~<${\, mother%~<${\, and *#*@. Looking back on it, doesn’t the controversy seem silly? Upon reading the news of Carlin’s death, I was surprised to learn that he was 71 years old. Logically, I know he had to be at least that old, but he never seemed it. I also realized it means he was less than a decade younger than my parents. If you knew my parents, you would have guessed more like three decades younger, give or take. I’m not criticizing my parents. I would have been horrified if my dad had been sporting a pony tail in his fifties, or if my mom had ever mentioned anything having to do with street drugs that seemed based on personal experience. My parents behaved in traditional parental fashion. My mom hated rock music, as it should be, and on the weekends my dad wore short sleeve, button down shirts to relax in. It was as if on December 31, 1959 they were culturally encased in amber. Centuries from now scientists might be able to extract this cultural DNA and recreate the 1950s. They could keep it on a far away island where tourists could come to see it but still be protected by an electrified fence. “Electricity is really just organized lightening.” My cultural amber hardened around 1983. The only exception being that all my Members Only jackets and Izod shirts have been tossed out, presumably incinerated. George Carlin on the other hand seemed ageless. If asked to guess, I’d have predicted Carlin living to be a 100 the way Bob Hope and George Burns did. (How about Milton Berle? He didn’t hit 100, did he?) Imagine, twenty years from now Carlin could have been starring in

a remake of “Oh, God!” That would be oddly fitting. “Religion has actually convinced people that there is an invisible man living in the sky, who sees everything you do and wants you to follow a special list of ten things or He’ll send you to a place of fire, smoke and death, and crying forever and ever. But He loves you.” That quote from Carlin was taken from “The Comedy Thesaurus.” Every quote herein comes from that book, except I will paraphrase one routine from memory. It’s one of my favorite bits. In it he compares football to baseball by explaining how football sounds tough and manly because it’s played on a GRIDIRON with the object being to score a TOUCHDOWN, while baseball sounds rather wimpy because it’s played on a diamond, and the object is to arrive safe at home. But a 90-year-old Carlin reprising George Burns’ role as God is just the type of future good stuff his death has deprived us of. That’s what I meant when I said it sucks. “Most people don’t know what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.” Another favorite Carlin moment of mine was when my children were small and the obligatory PBS kids’ shows would run on a continuous loop all day and I realized Carlin was on one. On some episodes of “Shining Time Station” he played Mr. Conductor, a character that introduced the Thomas the Tank Engine stories. Mr. Conductor was also played by Ringo Starr. Which I thought was neat, too. Having Carlin or Ringo Starr pop up on a kids’ television show was like giving us work-(or stay)-at-home parents – whose brains were already leaking onto the floor from too much Barney - an inside joke that helped make us feel somewhat still connected with the adult world outside. “Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that @&#*.” Thank you George Carlin for taking the time to ask the questions AND go to work. P.S.: I hope He’s not too mad at you. ■