Refrigerator Copy
Column published the week of June 23,
2008 www.theleeonline.com © 2008, Lee Ostaszewski
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Celtics Midnight Magic |
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By Lee
Ostaszewski The good news is that the Boston
Celtics, last week winning their 17th NBA championship, are good
enough to go for a repeat next season.
The bad news is that the playoff games will probably air even later. Maybe 10:30 or 11 at night, who knows? When asked why such late start times, NBA
commissioner and confirmed insomniac David Stern said, “Because we can.” If there is a professional sports-related
issue that Sen. Arlen Specter (Old Guy-Pa.) should hold Congressional
hearings on, the late start times of televised playoff games in all sports is
one that every citizen living east of the Yes, there are other important
legislative matters that Congress needs to address, such as the budget, the
economy, gas prices, the war, and whether or not to officially declare
October Earwax Buildup Awareness Month.
But when asked which they would prefer: Congress passing important
legislation or officials from each professional sports league explaining
under oath why big games seem to be starting later and later, most fans would
answer, “Eh?” because they can’t hear a thing on account of the excessive earwax
buildup they have. If they could hear, however, rest
assured they would want the league officials to justify the late start times. Speaking of Arlen (I think we know him
well enough now to drop the formalities and simply call him that), while he got
all worked up over Spygate - which involved the
videotaping of signals that teams steal from one another every game anyway - when
asked about pursuing accusations that basketball referees fixed playoff games,
Arlen said he had no interest in pursuing such trivial matters. I guess he’s not a big Seventy-Sixers fan. Sadly, the ones who suffer the most because
of the late start times, besides us adults, are the children. My two sons wanted to watch every game of the
finals, but with games ending at midnight I told them they couldn’t stay up that
late because I wasn’t sure I could. I
did promise them that they could watch any elimination game. |
That meant in each of the first four
games they barely saw the first quarter before heading for bed. Only games five and six did they get to watch
it in full. Or at least they tried
to. On Tuesday of game six, Kevin happened
to have his 8th grade field trip to Chris stayed up through the trophy presentation. But an hour after he went off to sleep Kevin
came into our room telling us something weird was happening to Chris. It seems Kevin had woken up and asked
Chris, who was stirring in bed, if the Celtics won. Chris answered that they lost and he,
Chris, was to blame. Why it was his
fault wasn’t made clear. Obviously,
Chris was overtired and talking in his sleep.
Or it’s possible he didn’t hear Kevin’s question clearly due to
excessive earwax. In either case, I
blame David Stern. The success of the Celtics this season
brought back many fans who had stopped watching basketball
years ago. Along with them came many
questions about how the game is played today. For instance, many fans wondered what
that little arc in the key under the basket is for; or why there are so many
technical fouls being called. Also,
since when did players start wearing tee-shirts under their tank tops? And finally, why do players wear shorts that
cover three-quarters of their shin? Did
someone order the wrong size? (Kareem
Abdul-Jabbar still holds the NBA record for shortest pair of shorts worn in a
playoff game, exposing 99.67% of his legs.
A record we pray is never broken.) So the NBA game is a lot different now than
the one many fans remembered. However,
some things haven’t changed. For
instance, the ball is still orange, a “small” forward is still several inches
taller than I am, and Lakers coach Phil Jackson still resembles Raymond Burr playing
an older Perry Mason. Oh, one
more thing’s the same, the Celtics are champions. ■ |