Refrigerator Copy
Column published the week of May 26,
2008 www.theleeonline.com © 2008, Lee Ostaszewski
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Taking Time Out for Celtics |
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By Lee
Ostaszewski I’ve been trying to jump on the Boston
Celtics bandwagon during this exciting playoff run, but every time I’m ready
to leap another timeout is called. This is the way coaches in professional
basketball manage the clock these days, by saving until the end of the game
all their timeouts from the previous three seasons. Typically, with 2.4893 seconds remaining and
down by eight, a team will use: three regular timeouts; two 20-second
timeouts; a half-dozen 10-second timeouts; three “Wait I need to tie my shoe”
timeouts; four “Do over, I wasn’t ready” timeouts; and a 30-minute lunch
break. That is why nine of my top ten great
2008 NBA playoff moments so far involve car commercials. During the first two series against the
Atlanta Hawks and Cleveland Cavaliers I did manage to catch 1.4208 seconds of
actual basketball being played. I
admit I haven’t kept up closely with the team recently, so this might seem
like a silly question, but whatever happened to Larry Bird? And didn’t they have two other half decent
guys, Kevin McHale and Robert Parish?
Were they traded or something? I’m just kidding. I know that the Big Three - as they were
called because a) there were three of them, and b) they were big - retired a
long time ago and are now residing together in an assisted-living facility in
Today’s Celtics include Paul Pierce,
Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Rajon Rondo, led by coach Doc “Doc”
Rivers. The team also has a rookie who
goes by the extremely non-intimidating nickname of “Big Baby.” I’m no expert on professional basketball
player nicknames, but wouldn’t you want one that’s more menacing? Here are a few suggestions to try out
during the next game against How cool would that sound coming from
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announcers? “The Celts are going to their bench,
they’re bringing in The Pandemic. Home court advantage is another thing
that has changed in professional basketball since the days when most players
attempted free throw shots underhand by holding the ball with two hands and
swinging it between their legs. In the first two series, So what is it about playing on the road
that is so difficult in the NBA, especially during the playoffs? To understand, let’s start by examining
those things that are the same in each venue.
For example, the court dimensions and basketball hoop height are
identical; all NBA arenas are indoors; each has a sound system capable of
reaching magnitude 58 on the Richter scale; the fans sit so close to the
action that they need to shower after the game to get rid of players’ sweat;
and each arena features a gigantic scoreboard the size of a small planet that
hangs over the court and could come crashing down at any moment resulting in
another timeout. Now let’s look at what’s different,
which might help to explain why players from the visiting team have such a
difficult time adjusting on the road: The player’s name is not on his locker
in the visitor’s locker room. As you can
imagine, this is the sort of disadvantage that clearly favors the home
team. How the Celts respond to the
challenge during the remainder of the playoffs will determine whether or not
they win another championship. They
need to figure it out. I suggest
calling a timeout. ■ |