Refrigerator Copy
Column published the week of March 31,
2008 www.theleeonline.com © 2008, Lee Ostaszewski
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Free Roger |
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By Lee
Ostaszewski The BIG PARTISAN ISSUE this election
year divides Republicans and Democrats more than any other in recent
memory. This issue cuts right to the
core of what it means to be a Republican or a Democrat in 2008. It’s an issue that former presidents George
Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abe Lincoln and Franklin “Frankie” Roosevelt
would refer to - if they were not dead and could – as “a colossally stupid
waste of time.” The BIG PARTISAN ISSUE is not abortion
rights, tax policy, the economy, global warming, Jennifer Lopez’s twins,
healthcare, or the war in No, the BIG PARTISAN ISSUE this election
cycle is Roger Clemens. This became clear last week with the
release of a congressional report explaining how Clemens maybe didn’t really
lie to congress, as everyone assumes he did, when he testified before a House
of Representatives committee back in February. The 109-page report was released by the
Republican minority on the House Committee on Oversight and Government
Reform. The same committee that after
the hearing recommended the justice department investigate
possible perjury charges against Clemens. Being part of the silly American public,
I just assumed that the issue of whether Roger Clemens used steroids, as
alleged in the Mitchell report on performance enhancing drugs in baseball,
and possibly lying about it under oath to Congress was a non-partisan issue. Ha, ha!
Silly me, what was I thinking? I did some checking and found that there
are only two issues currently in America that are non-partisan: Who we think
will win on “American Idol” this season, and which tastes better on a
sandwich, real mayonnaise or Miracle Whip salad dressing. Everything else is partisan, including
and especially the Roger Clemens issue.
We got a hint of it during the hearing, when Republicans on the
committee kept treating Clemens as if he were a celebrity deity in the Apollo-
Zeus-mold coming down from Meanwhile, the Democrats actually tried
to ask a tough |
question now
and again of Clemens. Looking back on
it, the most amazing fact is that none of the Democratic congressmen were
struck down by a thunderbolt at the time. You might be wondering when exactly did
the GOP turn soft on potential perjurers and started showing compassion for
alleged illicit drug users. I can
assure you that this is not a trend.
This is a specific case with extenuating circumstances. Those
extenuating circumstances include the following: 1) Roger Clemens is an
American baseball hero, 2) from Texas, 3) who’s extremely rich and
well-known, 4) and as I said, from Texas, 5) and who happens to be a friend
of the elder President George Bush, 6) who also happens to live in Texas, 7)
and is also rich and well-known, 8) and a baseball fan, 9) and the father of
our current president, 10) who also happens to be Republican, 11) and a
baseball fan, and 12) from Texas. We don’t need to MapQuest
the route influence had to travel for these allegations against Roger Clemens
to become a partisan issue. It’s clear
that the Bush Administration has made this a high priority in its last months
in office. What is unclear is whether
or not Condoleezza Rice has been garnering international support for Clemens
among our allies. But don’t be
surprised if in the coming weeks the Prime Minister of Australia reiterates
his nation’s steadfast support for “The Rocket, mate.” The question remaining is what position
John McCain, the Republican presidential nominee-apparent, will take. After all, he is a maverick who has been
known to break ranks with his party.
But I have a feeling he will adopt the Republican line after carefully
considering how important winning All that’s left to guarantee this
becomes a defining issue in the presidential campaign is letting Barack Obama and Hillary
Clinton in on the fact that a baseball player’s veracity under oath is actually
a deeply divisive partisan issue. I’m
afraid they’ve been spending too much time discussing health care reform and
how they’d end the war in Honestly, where are their priorities? ■ |