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Column published the week of February 23, 2009 www.theleeonline.com © 2009, Lee Ostaszewski

A Future in Damage Control

By Lee Ostaszewski With all the layoffs and job losses we hear about these days, there seems to be one field that is growing exponentially. That field would be damage control public relations. From Michael Phelps to Chris Brown to Alex Roidriquez to Rod Blagojevich to Georgia peanut processing plant owners to Wall Street and auto industry executives, there’s a constant supply of people in need of emergency triage of their image. The good news is; it is not that hard a field to work in. I mean, sure the hours must be long, and you have to travel a lot since who knows where your next client will be located. Also, many of your clients will have egos so large that if it were launched into space and put into orbit around the sun it could qualify as a planet. But the basic damage control steps that a public relations expert needs to implement are rather simple to learn. The entire world discovered just how simple during the A-Rod press conference last week. Although we know it’s there, usually the PR manipulation is not so obvious. Think of it as a magic act: we know we are being deceived, but if done well we buy into the illusion. A-Rod was like watching a really bad magician. One that stumbles through his routine. We saw everything up his sleeve, we saw underneath the black cloth, we saw the wires and trap doors. Every trick attempted was exposed, every tactic, maneuver and sleight of hand was clumsy and awkward. It was so awful, today Rodriquez’s PR firm probably needs PR damage control to repair its image among prospective clients. But that’s good news if you want to start a public relations firm specializing in damage control yourself - or just want to do damage control at home on weekends for family and friends - because now we know exactly what steps to take. To make it even easier, I’ve listed these steps below in Lee’s Handy Guide to Handling Damage Control Press Relations Yourself Just Like One of the Big Time, Expensive Firms Celebrities Use: Say You’re Sorry. This is rule number one. It’s nothing new, we are taught to apologize almost from the moment we learn to talk. How many times did your

parents tell you to, “Say sorry to your sister for hitting her,” or “Say sorry to Mrs. Crabtree for trampling her petunias,” or “Say sorry to Principal Hardbottom for setting the school’s café-gym-atorium on fire”? The caveat is that it helps if your client can appear even remotely sincere when he apologizes. It should seem as if a tremendous weight has been lifted from him, leading to step two: Cry. Your client needs to cry, or at the very least get choked up or otherwise show some real human emotions and not come across, as A-Rod did, like a space alien trying to fake human feelings. If the client is a sports figure, it also helps to bring his teammates along for support. Although, Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada, and the rest of the Yankees seated on chairs during A-Rod’s press conference seemed not so much supportive of him as forced-against-their-will-to-be-there. Imagine a boy’s high school gym class right before being made to watch a filmstrip entitled: “Proper Hygiene, Your Friend for Life.” That’s what the Yankee players looked like. Claim To Have Been Young and Stupid. The best part of this defense is that it’s 100 percent accurate. Whenever the transgression took place your client is now, technically, older. And he probably was stupid, too. In fact, probably still is which helps to lead credence when he says he doesn’t remember. Have Selective Memory. Keep in mind, this happened in the past and your client was young and is stupid, so how can he possibly recall obscure details and facts. Details such as the drugs used, where the stuff came from, or the name of the cousin who injected him. Bringing us to the last tactic... Blame a Cousin. Hey, who’s going to track down each and every one of your client’s cousins to find out who it was and get their side of the story? Oh, right, the news media will. That’s OK, because some people out there will believe your client anyway. After all, someone out there probably believes a magician can saw a woman in half and put her back together, too. All you need to do is keep playing to these people. ■