Refrigerator Copy

Column published the week of January 28, 2008 www.theleeonline.com © 2008, Lee Ostaszewski

We Have This Super Bowl Thing Down Pat

By Lee Ostaszewski As anyone who is not currently living alone in a Montana cabin without electricity knows, the undefeated New England Patriots will face the New York Giants in Super Bowl Exel-2. In fact, next week is Super Week. First, there’s the Super Bowl on Sunday followed two days later by the Super Tuesday primary elections. It’s going to be busy. Get your rest. The game is being held in Glendale, Ariz. Where, luckily for Super Bowl organizers, there happens to be a football stadium. Not just any stadium, either, but a brand new, state-of-the-art stadium, meaning it still has that new stadium smell. Also, being a state-of-the-art facility, it offers a lot of cool features. By the way, has anyone ever decided not built a state-of-the-art facility? Did anyone ever say, “Hey, let’s only use technology and design concepts from the mid-70s. You know, small concession stands, not enough bathrooms, no-thrills luxury boxes, and a Jumbotron with the resolution of a dot matrix printer.” What would something like that cost now-a-days? Three million dollars to build? Tops. But the home of the Arizona Cardinals is anything but old fashioned. It’s a dome with a retractable roof, but that’s not all. Its most amazing feature has to be the field on wheels. Literally, the entire football field can be rolled outside so the grass can soak up the sun and grow. Every so often the field can be taken up I-17 for a weekend stay in the mountains, too. Then it’s driven back to Glendale and rolled inside just in time for kickoff. Original plans had called for a movable stadium that could be rolled to one side leaving the field in one spot, but I guess someone thought that idea was too impractical. The field on wheels idea is certainly state-of-the-art. But maybe you’re thinking, “Wouldn’t grow lights have been easier?” Yes, but a rolling field is way more awesome. My only concern with cutting-edge technology is that this almost guarantees it’ll break down at the worst possible moment. Isn’t that a corollary to Murphy’s Law? You just know a game is going to be delayed because the

field is stuck half in and half out of the stadium. Let’s hope it doesn’t happen on Super Bowl Sunday. As for those fans heading to the Valley of the Sun to attend the big game, I grew up in the Phoenix area so let me offer you a couple of pointers. First of all, be prepared for the weather. The daytime highs are normally in the upper 60s to low 70s range, so while you might be in short sleeves or a light jacket during the day, the locals will be bundled up as if heading to Reykjavik, Iceland. Ignore them. Keep in mind, though, at night the temperature drops, sometimes approaching the freezing mark, so you might want to carry a heavier jacket with you. At that point you won’t need to worry about the locals anymore since they’ll refuse to leave their homes in such extreme conditions. The second thing you should be aware of is that under the federal legislation that granted Arizona statehood in 1912, all visitors are required to have dinner at least once at a tourist steak house, such as Pinnacle Peak Patio, which for the record have incredible tasting, mesquite-grilled steaks. These places are conveniently located approximately 30 miles out in the middle of nowhere. They are built to look like an old western town and, unless the Board of Health put an end to this practice, there is always sawdust covering the floor. Why sawdust? I grew up there and have no good answer for you. Maybe someone thought it would be neat to see what it would be like to eat inside a lumber mill. More likely, it is to soak up the spit from tobacco chewers. That’s what I mean about the Board of Health getting involved. The other tradition at these steak houses is that they cut off your tie when you walk in. That’s to demonstrate how casual life out west is. The problem is that hardly anyone wears a tie to dinner anymore, so I don’t know what they do to you now. Maybe untuck your shirt or take your shoes. Who knows? I’m just saying be prepared for something to happen. Otherwise, have a steak. Enjoy the game. Pack a sweater. It’s going to be a super time. Oh, I almost forgot: Go Pats. ■