When hockey moms and hockey dads, and soccer moms and soccer dads, and baseball moms and baseball dads get together and talk politics, one thing we all agree on is that we wouldn’t want to be president of United States. Not for anything. Heck, few of us would want to be president of our local youth hockey, soccer, or baseball organization because of the headaches.

Being president of the United States has to be worse.

Unlike Gov. Sarah Palin, if we were asked to run on the ticket as vice president – not even president - not only would most of us blink, we would run and hide. We would hide in the corner with our eyes shut tight, fingers in our ears chanting, “La, la, la, la, la...” until John McCain finally gave up and left. That’s probably what happened in Joe Lieberman’s house when McCain came to ask him. Sen. Lieberman dodged a bullet in 2000 when he and Al Gore lost the election. You don’t tempt fate like that twice.

So I have the utmost respect for the little bit of crazy that’s in every candidate for higher office. But even if we aren’t the political candidate type ourselves, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of good work for us to do along the sidelines.

For instance, I plan on solving the energy crisis.

Now, I know I’m not going to solve it all in one day. But just this morning I did come up with what I think is a pretty good idea to help free us from our dependency on foreign oil.

But first, a word about that: I thought our dependency on foreign oil was actually part of The Bigger Plan. I thought it was one piece in the super secret plan that is being carried out by that nefarious cabal which people on the Internet say is really running America.

Whether it was a strategy or just dumb luck, here’s how I thought it worked: petroleum is a finite resource that once pumped from the ground and used to drive our SUV to Target, it is gone forever. So why not use everyone else’s oil first?

My son Kevin does this every Halloween. Only with candy. After trick-or-treating he has his bag of candy, my other son Chris has his own bag, and whatever leftover candy we didn’t pass out (I always make sure we have leftovers) goes into a family pile. Kevin will eat from this general stash until it’s gone, and come December he’s the only one left with any candy.

Thinking about it, he could be part of the cabal someday.

Naturally then, I mistakenly thought The Bigger Plan was to use up all the Middle East oil first, then turn to the world and say, “Oh, look, we have plenty here in Alaska, Texas and off shore. Who wants some? But...it’s going to cost you.”

Maybe The Bigger Plan only worked when overseas oil was inexpensive and the countries controlling it weren’t messing with us too much. Since things have changed, maybe it is time we honestly try to free ourselves permanently from foreign oil. Expanding alternative energy sources is one way to do that.

This leads me to my first alternative energy idea, which I came up with just this morning. Few would disagree that wind power is a good idea to pursue, right? The real problem is no one wants to live near one of those giant, bird slice-o-matic, wind turbines. Well, who wants to live near a cell tower, either? But those are already everywhere. So why not slap turbines on cell towers? BINGO, America is one step closer to energy independence. Heck, we could also slap wind turbines on other tall, immobile objects already in place: skyscrapers, really tall trees, Shaquille O’Neal, etc. Granted, there are probably a few minor details that need to be worked out first.

I’m sure I can come up with even more great alternative energy ideas if I try. But if the next president approaches me to become our nation’s next energy czar or something, I’ll be the one hiding in the corner with my fingers in my ears.

________________________________________

Click on Another Slice for more columns