If former senator and one-time vice presidential nominee John “The Part” Edwards taught us one thing it is that we need to be suspicious of any person whose hair far exceeds the normal parameters of hair physics. If their hair seems too good to be true, then perhaps something fishy is going on.

In the case of Blagojevich’s hairstyle, forget fish, he could use it to smuggle rare, exotic birds into this country.

Being able to pick out untrustworthy people simply from their hairstyle reminds me of that new TV show, “Lie to Me.” Actually, the full name of the show includes an asterisk, “Lie to Me*,” and a footnote below it that’s too small for me to read on my low-def TV screen, but is probably a disclaimer like, “Based on MSRP; take only as directed; plus shipping and handling; actual mileage may vary; or, common side effects may include rash, open sores and bleeding pustules.”

The show follows a group of smart, dedicated, well-paid fibber-ologists who work for this high-tech, apparently recession-proof, institute that helps various governmental agencies, law enforcement people and corporations expose liars. The institute people can do this because they are trained to know exactly what sort of non-verbal body language clues signify if a person is not telling the truth. These non-verbal clues include a barely perceptible eye twitch, a subtle chin rub, or the instantaneous rapid growth of someone’s nose.

I’ve watched a few episodes and I have to admit I am scared to death now to make any sort of facial expression around anyone anymore. The characters on the show can pick up on even the tiniest detail and tell instantly if someone is lying. For instance, let’s pretend you are a guy and your wife asks, “Honey, why don’t you ever take me to a chamber music concert?” You naturally reply, “I would love nothing more dear, but chamber music has been identified as a leading cause of global warming and a major contributor to high cholesterol. We want to be eco-friendly and heart healthy, don’t we?”

In a normal situation, the wife would drop the conversation right there and go into another room of the house to be alone and stare longingly for several minutes at the business card a friend gave her some years back of a good divorce lawyer.

But if one of these people from “Lie to Me* (*Objects may appear farther away)” were present for the conversation, things wouldn’t end nearly so well for the husband. First, the expert would notice that three skin cells located under the husband’s right eyelid contracted in a sequential pattern as he spoke and his left index finger moved a whopping six microns, enough proof for the expert to announce, “Ma’am, your husband is lying. He, in fact, doesn’t care at all about being eco-friendly.”

To which the husband would either A) Admit to the lie and promise to take her to a chamber music concert that evening, hoping instead to be hit by a bus on the way there. B) Realize his only real chance for escape is to shoot his way out. Or C) Try to look bemused. But since no one knows what a bemused look actually is, he instead looks constipated while sputtering, “What? Not eco-friendly? They don’t know anything. I love the environment. Dammit, I recycle! On occasion!”

Which brings us back to Blagojevich. He is currently on a 29-city promotional tour to profess how incredibly innocent he is, how he never tried to sell President Barack Obama’s senate seat to the highest bidder, and how he never uses a blow dryer.

His attempt to show everyone how innocent he is puts him on a prestigious list with others who have frequently professed their innocence but who we all know really did it. This list includes O.J. Simpson, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Caylee Anthony’s mom, anyone under the age of seven who got caught sneaking a cookie, Bill Clinton, and many more.

The difference I see between the lying adults on this list and a seven-year-old cookie bandit, however, is that at least the seven year old feels bad about having lied.

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