This is particularly true if up to that point your home team has gone 18 and 0 and flirting with a perfect season. An accomplishment of such historic magnitude, it ranks right up alongside the discovery of penicillin, men walking on the moon, and the invention of the alarm clock snooze button.

So take a guess as to who hosted last year’s Super Bowl party in our neighborhood? Yep, that would be Beth and me. We hosted Super Bowl XL2 in which the New York Giants defeated the undefeated Patriots. Away on vacation a couple of weeks later, I actually worried that one night the neighbors – still upset - might form an unruly mob and torch our house.

Luckily for us that didn’t happen. I guess I can thank their level headedness for that. Along with the fact that on most weeknights it’s hard to find the time and energy to form an unruly mob, what with work the next day and all. Besides, stores generally don’t stock torches in mid-February. Unruly-mob-torch season doesn’t normally pick up again here in the Northeast until the end of April, when the weather turns nicer.

I only mention this because I have friends and relatives living in Arizona. Any one of them might be foolishly hosting a Super Bowl party this coming Sunday and I want them to understand the risks involved.

Granted, no one is expecting the Arizona Cardinals to beat the Pittsburgh Steelers. Most of the Arizona players don’t believe they have a shot. So expectations at the parties there should be low. Nonetheless, no one likes to lose, and sporting event parties are simply better when your team wins.

If, however, you can’t control how the home team does there are other steps you can take to help make any Super Bowl party a success. Or, at least, less sucky. So here is Lee’s Helpful Guide to Hosting a Super, Super Bowl Party Even If In the End Your Team Loses and Your Guests (and One Guest in Particular) Are Despondent to the Point of Being Suicidal:

Super Rule #1: YOU CAN’T HAVE ENOUGH TV SETS. My neighbor Scott brought over his DLP projector to show the game on a bed sheet hung at one end of the living room. He also brought over a small TV set for the kitchen. Plus we had one in the family room and one in the basement playroom. It occurred to me that for total guest convenience, and to win Super Bowl Super Host of the Decade honors, I should have had one in the bathroom, too.

When you think about it, a bathroom TV is a no-brainer. I’m talking in general, but even more so on Super Bowl Sunday. It also just occurred to me why the digital TV conversion was scheduled for after the Super Bowl. Could you imagine the uproar if the conversion took place on January 31 and people were still trying to figure out how to get reception and missed the game completely? Talk about your unruly mobs.

Super Rule #2: THE AMOUNT OF FOOD AVAILABLE SHOULD EQUAL, POUND FOR POUND, THE TOTAL WEIGHT OF YOUR GUESTS. This is a common Italian mother rule-of-thumb (“I made a ham too, just in case”). It assures that no one goes home hungry and without gaining the requisite ten pounds of abdominal fat. Also, according to official NFL regulations, one of the food items must be chili. And you know that boneless buffalo chicken dip with cream cheese that’s served in a pie plate with tortilla chips? Starting in 2010, that also will be a requirement.

Super Rule #3: DON’T STILL BE SETTING UP THE SUPER BOWL SQUARES DURING THE MIDDLE OF THE FIRST QUARTER. Really, did the game sneak up on you? Two weeks of wall-to-wall hype wasn’t enough? Eighteen hours of pre-game shows? Would you like some more time? Are you freakin’ kidding me?

And Super Rule #4: ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO BE LOUD AND BOISTEROUS: This way you can’t hear what stupid things the announcers are saying about your team that will piss you off.

Every fan of every sports team in the world is convinced the TV announcers doing the game hate their team. Especially when the team is losing. Which I’m sure yours won’t be. For the sake of your party, I hope not. I’m rooting for a win.

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